Fantasia was on The Breakfast Club on YouTube last week and she said something about submission and what it means in her marriage. She didn’t go deep, but somehow folks took that little bit she said, as folks do, and ran with it.

The whole video is below b/c what people didn’t do is listen to the whole video. They heard that 30-45 second clip, then told her to “sit down somewhere” or “shut up.” I’m like, wow… you hear one part and already made up your mind, huh? Interesting…

That’s mostly b/c blogs and other people were framing what she said as, “Y’all don’t know how to be submissive and that’s why y’all don’t have a man.” First, that’s not what she said. Second, when Ciara said the same thing and they came for her too. Then, folks asked her what prayer she prayed to get Russell. So, I’m confused.

Then, I realized it was the hang up on the word “submission” and I thought, “Oh. That’s what this is really about… the word submission.”

Yes, the dictionary defines submission as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

See, while Fantasia is operating from a biblical standpoint and most other people are not, so I can see how this went left. People started to bash her and her marriage. 

I’m like really, y’all? Then, I remembered. People are gonna people. People can be harsh. People can be judgmental. People aren’t perfect, can be flawed. People will find a reason to have a disagreement even if she said the sky was green. So, here we are… 

From a biblical standpoint, God says in Ephesians 5: 22-24; 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 

This is saying that a wife is to submit to her husband just like the husband submits to God. God says that husbands are the head of the household, which means they are to lead the wife.

That means that the husband is to submit to God! The husband is to follow God’s words, stay in prayer, consult with God, God is the head of his life, so that he can lead the wife and family. That doesn’t work in tandem, if the husband isn’t following God first!

This doesn’t mean that a woman must trust any man to lead her. If the man cannot even lead himself, then how can he lead a woman? If the man isn’t following God and trusting God, then how can a woman trust and follow that man? The whole point is that God is FIRST! 

Again, this is in a CHRISTIAN home. If you aren’t CHRISTIAN, then this ain’t for you! So this is pretty cut and dry. Plain and simple. Periodt. End of story. How does this become a free for all and bashing Fantasia b/c she shared what she believes and what works for her marriage and household? 

Power Struggle:

Then, it was “marriage is supposed to be a partnership” and “what about the strong black woman?” What people are forgetting is that God, husband, and wife all work together simultaneously. That’s the partnership! As for the strong black woman, I want to loosely echo when Fantasia said:

The reason some women are losing their man or cannot see a good man when one shows up is b/c she’s been taught to do things on her own. She’s had to step up and be the mother and the father, she’s had all the power. So, when a man comes along, she loses him b/c she doesn’t want to give up the power she’s had all this time. They butt heads for that power. 

See, this made sense. Women have been in the head of the household for so long b/c our men have been taken from us in multiple ways such as jail, death, feminized, gangs, etc. Women have been running things! They’ve had to step up and do everything. That’s true in many households. 

sourceHowever, when a man comes along to take the reigns and to be the head of the household as God wants it and set it up to be, it becomes a power struggle b/c the woman is like… I’ve BEEN here, so who are YOU to come around and change that? Why should I trust you? What are you about? 

I can see that power struggle happening. I think that coming together and figuring out how to manage each other’s strong points, weak points, and slowly transitioning from the woman being the head of the house to the man being the head of the house, as God instructs, can help. Well, and so can therapy. See post here.

Then, it was “submission diminished the woman” and “I’m not going to submit to anyone” Okay, so… one, you must not be a Christian. Two, you can always choose a different way to run your own household. Three, nothing in the way a woman submits to a man as the man submits to God, says that a woman is diminished.

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Finally, choosing to ignore her comments/opinions is always an option. She’s entitled to have them just like you are. I can respect a healthy debate and different opinions b/c that’s how you learn. That is encouraged, but bashing isn’t necessary.

My Two Cents:

There’s no need to bash her or her marriage b/c it’s different than what you believe or what you would do. She ain’t changing her life or crying at night b/c folks on the Internet don’t agree with how she runs her household. She seems happy and in love. She’s good.

giphyThen, it was “Fantasia said that you can’t keep a man b/c you don’t live your life like she does.” I don’t think that’s what she said nor what she meant. If that’s what you took away from everything she said, then you didn’t listen. 

I swear it really seems that people want something to argue about and keep shit going. Fantasia and her hubby dropped a lot of gems for people who are Christian and want to be married.

Once again, if YOU don’t fall within those parameters, then she wasn’t talking to YOU! Why would you choose to be offended by something that has nothing to do with you? Then again, people are gonna people and here we are.

Word of Advice:

download (1)People are going to have their opinions about all types of things. Marriage, football, money management, raising children, abortion, pregnancy, vaccination, religion, politics, TV shows, and music.

The point is that you do what’s right for you and your household. If what she said don’t apply, let it fly. If it does, take it in and let it begin. No need to bash her. She’s good. She has her man. If you’re still looking, that’s fine too.

Do what works for you. Whatever it is that makes you happy, healthy, and whole. We all know that everything ain’t for everyone. That’s why there are always OPTIONS! Choose wisely. ❤ 

#MessageMonday