Self-care. Some talk about it. Some engage in it daily. Some don’t b/c “who’s got the time” when you’re a parent?! I wrote a post about it here.
However, how long is self-care supposed to last? Does it help to you distract you from your busy mom, career, marriage lifestyle or is it a “bandaid on a gunshot wound” solution? I ask b/c the article suggests that it’s only a bandaid and once you go back to your normal routine.
It says that the self-care you engaged in to ease your stress, worries, whatever… was just for the moment and then forgotten once you go back to your regular routine.
Do you agree? Article here.
This article proposes that the solution is having a support system, which will yield better results of rejuvenation than self-care. 🤔🤔🤔
Self-care is fleeting. Yet everyone talks about how to engage in it and how it’s supposed to be the savior for all stress, worries, burnout, and being overwhelmed. However, that’s not entirely true.
According to the article, “Self-care can definitely restore the calmness that we may need for the moment… Self-care is a temporary solution to a big problem.”
This seems to be true of mothers who are “drowning in large amounts of stress, pressure, and expectations.” Mainly a working mom, a single mom, a mom in an abusive relationship, or a mom without support.
According to the article, “Women are drowning because they lack support systems. They lack family willing to help. They lack partnerships that allow them adequate time to decompress from being a mom. Most of self-care is done as an afterthought.”
Okay, so lack of support shows that most moms don’t have time to themselves to rest, rejuvenate, and decompress b/c they are always on autopilot when in their regular routine without outside help.
The lack of family is true b/c “many black grandparents work full-time jobs and aren’t retired by the time they become grandparents and they don’t even want to help or offer their children a break from parenting. Also, many moms are cut off from their toxic parents,” according to the article.
This goes back to the childcare post, here, when I mentioned that grandparents are options for some moms and not others. This article states b/c of toxic relationships, which is definitely a thing and can happen.
So, should moms do? According to the article, “create [a village] on our own. Finding families and friends we trust can be a task for some and some cultivate them easily. Some of us don’t find that village or decide to do without one.”
The article states, “We NEED support systems more than we need baths and manicures. Support systems allow mothers to just take a break without having to do everything for everyone else before she can care for herself.“
The difference between self-care is a couple of hours vs a whole day, in which a village is needed at that point. “The mental load and emotional labor of parenting is something that has always been meant for more than one person. Mothers are not meant to be everything to everyone and doing so is killing us,” according to the article.
Word of Advice:
I don’t have a rant in my spirit b/c this article basically said it all and I don’t want to argue with that! 🤷🏾♀️
I will admit that I gave it a 🤨🤨🤨 before reading the whole article b/c I will not allow “self-care” to be spoken about negatively.
However, when I realized what they were trying to say… I relented.
They are basically saying that to their own detriment, black moms, in particular, are too busy being everything to everyone leaving herself open, worn out, and exhausted.
That’s true b/c a lot of moms are single moms without a village of their own or family that can help for various reasons. That’s not her fault, it just the way it is in most cases.
But, as the saying goes… 🗣”You can’t pour from an empty cup.”🗣 If they are giving their all to everyone, but herself… where does that leave her when she’s empty? Who fills her cup?
So, I will stress this again…
Take care of yourselves, Ladies! ❤
It’s extremely important to do that b/c you want to be around to watch your babies grow! The more you take care of yourself and ask for help when you need it, the better off you will be. 💖😉